The Story of Us: Epilogue
Now I remember the time I fell in love with him. I never pin-pointed the exact moment, but if I were asked to choose an exact moment, I remember exactly when, and exactly how. I used to think it was the long ago moment in the restaurant when he first placed the drumstick on my bowl of rice. Othertimes I thought it was during those birthday celebrations that Paul always had so elaborately planned for me. And then, I thought it was the moment when I took out the Silent Ocean and when I started fixing the puzzle. Sometimes I think it was when I framed up the puzzle and took digital photos of it so that I can see the dolphin on my desktop anytime I wanted to.
But if you asked me when I fell in love with you, when was the exact moment, I know exactly when.
That moment when I started the car and the engine died on me. I knew then that there was no turning back. Before that I thought it was possessiveness, driven, fueled by a jealousy so intense that it hurt me to know that Paul had other people besides me. That jealousy still burns on, especially now that Paul has left me, and sometimes, I think and know it is because he found it more enjoyable to be with other people rather than me.
But in that moment when the key turned in its place and the car failed to ignite, I knew it. I knew it and I panicked and I walked out of the car. Sometimes I regret not looking at you or talking proper to you at all in the car, or when I opened the booth and handed you the Silent Ocean.
But mostly I regret walking away, and shedding those tears as I paced quickly back home, rushing to return to the comfort of my mother’s open arms.
I thought I was brave because I walked away, I was ready to let go. If the car had started, I would have let go, who knows?
Somehow God loves to play tricks on His most beloved devotees. When He stopped my car’s engine, He made me realise I loved Paul, so deep that the Silent Ocean knows not its boundaries of its depths.
But Paul was gone from my side, forever and ever. Regardless of how I tried, how I pulled, how I pushed, Paul had become a cold, stubborn, lifeless mannequin, reluctant to hold a proper conversation with me even. Reluctant to help, reluctant to become a friend.
And Claire?
Claire promises to walk her way down the winding path, her heart and soul fed by her love. A love so deep, so intense, that even though it is left unnourished by the present and the future, the memories of the past will serve to provide the nutrition. To the end, alone, flourished by a hope of a love that may never be, never return to her.
That love will feed me for the rest of my life.
