Oh Yes! Yes, babies, a post before I get accused of being sporadically or weekly. There's the subsided headache after all that rush rush rush of the week as I tried desperately to complete my papers and finish up work. And then suddenly the good news came: Assignment deadline's actually on the 5th. Oh joy joy joy!!!

So here I am, waking up at 12 noon on a Friday, when I was supposed to be forcing my tired eyes through scores and scores of articles on Developmental Communication in Infants. Oh yes yes last night was absolutely tiring, holding David's miniDV around the house as Mum did the Arrangements on the table. Pai Tee Kong night was very noisy, and none would have guessed that it was actually a Thursday night... oh well I'm sure many Hokkiens would have taken leave today just like me.

A friend was asking if I was dating sambardee... I asked that friend to ask that sambardee but according to that friend that sambardee told him 'Go ask CK laaaaaaaa'.... I also said 'You ask him laaaaaaaaaaaa'..... and then that friend said, 'What is this aaah? Two of you testing to see how fast rumours can fly in XXXXs izzit??'

Not testing laaaahh...... takkan I go around putting some stupid banner or wearing a t-shirt that says, 'Hey hey lookie here I'm dating sambardee...'

Ah yeah. Ok lah now you know.

HEY I'm still single okay. I'll be single until the day I tie the knot. And I don't plan to tie the knot until I'm at least twenty eight. Otherwise yah... I'm dating sambardee.   ¶ 12:40

  Yee Sang, Anyone? The Yee Sang, literally translated as 'Fish Alive' in Cantonese is a very Malaysian Chinese culture. Walk back a few years and you don't even see this in China/Hong Kong/Taiwan/Singapore... in fact they don't have it in Hong Kong. Usually eaten on the 7th day of Chinese New Year, known to KL-ites as the 'Yan Yat' or the 'Day of Men', tossing the Yee Sang has become a CNY must-do in urban Kay El. Nowadays, we eat it early, especially since restaurants all start serving the Yee Sang a month before the CNY celebrations commence!

  ¶ 19:51

  So It Was Like This... Yes I know I haven't blogged since the first day of CNY. Yes I know its the 26th. What's the deal? Its been a wonderful four-day holiday for me, despite *still* not finishing my two 2500-word term papers for Developmental Linguistics. I've sourced for some books in Mother Tongue acquisition and Childhood Language Disorders hoping to gather some quality words of wisdom from well-known linguists, while doing what I gleefully term 'legal plagiarism'.... CNY is still happening, folks... and the past four days and nights were spent visiting, eating, gambling, sleeping, in no particular order of course. I've had nice sets of new clothes this year, amidst the shock of seeing dearest Shadowlight dressed in *red* *gasp*, otherwise he's pretty cute.

The other day after slugging at the books for about an hour in the canteen outside a closed library, I drove off to FM's house and spent some hours pondering over open palms and travel lines. Oh yes frownlines aplenty as we discussed the future and currents 'Oh he's good, he's very good, oh you don't love him that much now but you'll fall very hard later probably harder than the last one... you do know what happened in the last one don't you? Will you be able to control yourself?'

FM's mother thinks that I ought to be less emotional in order to see all four corners of my life.

How can I be less emotional, really?

Its the feelings and thoughts that run haywire inside the folds of this brain that makes me what I am. Without the heart where is the head? Without the head where is the heart?

Kevin, my ex's good friend and always a source of self-centred sarcaticism, for instance, saw *the* photo and asked if he were the one who proposed to me earlier. No, darling. No one's proposed to me yet, except maybe for fun. I've been having lots of fun lately, and have no plans to lose out on fun. Not that I'm not a good girl. I'm a very, very good girl, aren't I?

On Day 3 I met up with Chi Wei, Heng Wah, Thiran and Hankee after many years (except of course, I've been seeing Chi Wei every year recently since AIESEC), and we had a good time exchanging information on ex's and currents, and old time jokes about how we first got to know each other in form 5. Stories of a certain Dr-to-be still studying in Wales and bulking up on the muscles left us in stitches, and oh well, I do marvel at the speed of which time flies, and how we have grown since.

'So tell me what was wrong with him?'

'Simple. I just couldn't, didn't like him. There was nothing wrong with him.'

They still wonder. Isn't it funny? 6 years of a friendship, and everytime people ask I give the same reason but people still can't remember. Or is it a male thing??

Back to work folks and have a happy new year!!

  ¶ 11:23

  Images of CNY in the Minishorts' household.
Happy New Year!! May the lucky stars shine upon you, may the wind be calm and the rain be smooth and may the good gods bless you with prosperity and luck!!   ¶ 11:39

  Gong Xi Fa Cai ¹§Ï²·¢²Æ
gong xi fa cai

ÍòÊÂÈçÒâ
wan shi ru yi

ÐÂÄê¿ìÀÖ
xin nian kuai le

ºïÄêÐдóÔË!!
hou nian xing da yun!!


If you have IE 6, left click, 'Encoding', 'Chinese Simplified (GB2312)'
  ¶ 23:03

  A(n Interestingly) 'Cam'did Moment You do know that I have a webcam right? Well, one of the first people whom I cam-ed with would be YK. Now YK's a very good friend of my ex boyfriend PY... I actually do know YK back from high school days, but I haven't really spoken to him in real life before. He's that kind of person who I can yak on with for hours on the net, but in real life, we would exchange less than 10 sentences. When PY and me were still an item we would attend little high school reunions together, and that's where I would usually see YK. We wouldn't talk to each other much, but I suppose we're friends then.

When PY decided to bail out on me, of all the friends from that particular high school gang, YK was the only one who was nice to me. As in stayed online and chat with me and well, yeah, YK would be one of the very few CHS friends who've seen me progressed from mad-obsessed-cannot-live-without-PY to the person that I am now.

Anyway YK was at Starbucks Mont Kiara surfing the net last night, with PY and some old friends, and he asked for me to beam my cam over again. Mmmm... bits and parts of my conversation with YK as I can recall...

YK: Eh I didn't know you were so good friends with MK.
Me: Yeah mah... can talk to him, we can go on all night ... bitch bitch bitch about the evil men and women who break our hearts.
YK: PY is here too.
Me: Oh izzit? Hi hi!!!
*long pause*
Me: Eh why never say hello to meeeeeee?
YK: He says hi too...
Me: See see!! I wanna see the cam too. I wanna see what my ex look like now...
YK: Very hannnndddssoooommmeee...
Me: Sure boh? Cannot be lah that gang all pui pui dei.
YK: Eh where got why you so bad one....
Me: Yeah mah all of you all getting FAT.
YK: Now no mah he now handsome and thin.
Me: Ye ke?? He always very FAT one.... wah so silent all eyes on me lerrr (nvm I oso biasa adi)
YK: What you so pperraaasssaaaann....

I just wonder what PY and that group of friends, especially CY whom I used to consider a very good friend (but after what happened... we sorta fell out) thought of that chat. If they didn't think of it as significant or anything, I just wonder what if my CHS friends do visit this blog and read up on how spectacularly upfront I have become about my past on here... and well I'm sure they do know who is who.

If you're here, you're from that gang, you've been visiting my blog regularly and you wanna say hi here, say hi here! And you know, if you care still do care just click and tell me you care. Or if you don't appreciate being anonymously famous here, just tell me okay? I promise to create more subtle metaphors to refer to you guys the next time.   ¶ 08:14

  Why? Because you listened to me cry.
Because you taught me that the pain was normal.
Because you held my hand through the dark.
Because you listened to me across the miles.
Because you showed me how to smile again.
Because you made me feel attractive.
Because you told me, after some time.

Now its your turn to tell me why!! And don't tell me you don't know.
  ¶ 14:59

  Sanctuary I've kept a diary ever since I was in Form 3, and I used to take it everywhere I went. I kept nice things in my diary, ticket stubs and little photos of my life. There's little packets of soil that I took from places I went to, and newspaper cuttings and short advertisements that strike my fancy. I sped through 4-5 books, and in some of books I typed my entries and pasted them into the pages. One particular volume, half an inch thick, was and still is my personal favourite, because of the speckles of blood that I left in the pages.... dried up of course. I think I cut my finger once and the diary was within reach, so I decided to stain the pages. There's the long long love letters that I would write to the people I was secretly in love with, and the horridly slandering thoughts I would write about the yucky people whom I seem to attract all the time... There's bitching about the evil friend who messes up my life and the sad sad jottings about the quarrels I use to have with Mama and Papa and my favourite people in my life.

Anyway two years ago I found my blog. You think its a diary but its really not. Its a public place for me to talk about things that matter in life to me. Some people think I'm very honest here... well maybe I am but honestly not nearly like how she is—now she's so honest she scares me sometimes... but very nice.

Minishorts is me of course, but I have space for myself.

I have this little diary besides minishorts.net; its this place I call my 'Hideaway Sanctuary' its a place where I go really, really honest and tell all about the things that happen in my life. I don't hide there everyday, its not a place where I go as regularly as I do to minishorts.net. What I do do is go there when I feel like going there, and you know of course, if I do feel like going there, there must be something intriguing enough to push me to hide there and tell my little invisible friend who never replies what's happening in my life and what makes it so cute.

I went there today and I read the jottings and I felt joyous today. I mean I FEEL joyous today. So I wrote another entry there and you know there's something intriguing to push me there today. But you won't know what.

Happy Weekend, folks.   ¶ 12:23

  Signs Fatty salty french fries and big chunks of Secret Recipe's Carribean Seabass in cream sauce. A lost gold bracelet and split strung spilt rose quartz beads. Extended DVDs waiting to be turned on and books, books, books. From Minor to Major, so says Adrian Mole. I've got a cool strikingly handsome photo of Orlando Bloom sitting beside my blue iMac and two I'm Lovin' It bears staring down at me. A nice little candle that means 'You Light Up My Life' from my co-editor, perhaps, and a spanking new Puma bag. Hot brewing green tea or Bru coffee, nice Lewre shoes and orderings of fresh seafood for Chinese New Year. Some pink dresses to welcome the new year and taken leave of the day after Thaipusam to sleep in late. There's the English Breakfast Tea by Ahmad Tea that I got for three twenty five two days ago and waking up to nice nice messages. Cadbury 3-in-1 chocolate mix and mmmmmm a cute new testimonial in my friendster profile that lets it all out. Do so try not to show it so much but I guess the inner voice just lets it loose on here, on there, on everywhere. And then some more. Sip some pinot noir my friends, and let yourself be drunk. I've been looking at cards, cards and more cards to say thank you to the sweet sweet designers who've been staying up with me till 12 am in the office every day for the past week and I've been missing mummy dearest greatly. I'm grown up already, ladies and gentlemen, and the world has just started to embrace my presence.

Divinely Ecstatic, as he says.  ¶ 14:29

  Mmmmmm.... I feel cushiony comfortable right now. The feeling's great. After all the migraines and headaches, all of a sudden everything seems so right, just nice. Oh yes, its always like this in the initial stage, then suddenly boredom kicks in. I know how it happens, anyway I expect that to happen.

But I want to keep this feeling, right here, right now. Its super nice and super sweet and yeah, I haven't felt this way in a long long time.... probably three or four years already.

Its going to be quite hard to think about exams, term papers and lectures now. Reminder to self: Life goes on as usual.

And Mum, don't worry please. I'll be fine.   ¶ 10:21

  Gah Ed said it'd be a good idea to blog this little thing cryptically and for safekeeping just in case in some point in time I come to that certain stage and I need to look back to what made things happen in the first place. I think that's a pretty good idea lah. So that's why I'm doing all this crap.

I don't think 'I don't know' is such a good thing to say right? Look if I can't sleep and wake up so bloody early just to log on to do this 'katharsis' thingy. Oh yeah YK bought me the Lemon Jelly cds and they're super nice. So he was saying that he was terribly surprised. I'm actually in quite a state of shock. I don't know lah. After all the analysing and thinking I've just decided to go with the flow. The other night after an eight-hour nap I just woke up and felt that I had to go to the Temple to do some meditating and I drew a fortune stick for good advice. So it said I should not be swayed by outside and non-related influences. But I told you right. So yeah. I think its fine. As long as its fine with you. I know you know I decided when I asked you.


Feel good feelings don't ever feel these good lah. *sigh*

I don't even know what happened.

Its just that it felt nice from day one, when I was so down and it was there for me, cheering me on... bashing up the one person whom I thought I would wait for forever and ever and ever. And then I felt it moving on, as she gained confidence to see it again.... see the world in a much much pwettier pwetter light and regain that self that she had lost ever since she started blabbing totally in chinese. So there were nice nice limau panas and milo ais peppered over a table with new friends and invitations to go out and meet people because you wanted her to meet more people. And then somehow something happened, didn't it?

OH Jeesh I don't even know what I'm talking about. I just can't sleep. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay. I'm going to go and try and sleep otherwise I'll get really really dark circles and then my SK-II hamper goodies might not work anymore.
  ¶ 06:55

  Significantly Today Things happened.

In a good way, I think.

I dunno.

Sorry lah I keep on saying I dunno. I guess under the circumstances saying 'I don't know' is a very safe way of handling things.

Don't get annoyed okay?

  ¶ 23:47

  Errrr.... I'm thinking that I should go with the flow. But then I'm thinking that no this cannot do. I'm thinking that somehow everything would end soon. That's why I'm really not sure if going with the flow is the right thing to do. Ever since you-know-what things have been whirling round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round... . I have a feeling my judgement is being whipped and swayed and I don't know anymore like what the heck I'm talking about. So don't bother. Yes bother.

But I still like the new year, even though I had to work till 12 am last night.   ¶ 10:55

  Factually I haven't had a life for an entire week. My holidays were spent slaving away in the office... well, voluntarily of course. My New Year's Eve, for example, was spent in front of the Mac right until 9 pm and then when I got home, I spent my countdown arguing on the phone with a friend about stuff that still puzzles me till now.

New Year's Day I was armed with the key to the OUP office, and there again I spent another 7 hours or so sitted in front of the Mac trying to finish a 20 page document.

2nd Day of New Year I was still at the office.

3rd day of 2004 and I was at the office from 8.30 till 12.30 in the afternoon, and then I just zonked out. Slept like a pig for several hours, after which I dragged myself to the office YESTERDAY (which was a Sunday) and well, after having pizza for five days in a row I guess I just lost it.

Why am I telling you this?

I think its because I suddenly realized that I've just downed three large McD's fries and there goes my weight.

Ackkkkkkkk!!!   ¶ 13:09

  This Is Me I came to April's site and read this. You know its strange that you are very often a very good provider of fine, solid and usable advice but when it comes to handling your own problems, you are very often blinded by the enorminity of them. When that happens, you are ignorant to the signs, ignorant to the lights, and very often, it takes a passage like this to pull you back into reality.

This goes out to all the women out there, and the men who are intent on pursuing a modern girl.

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question " What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking "Do you really want to know?"

Reluctantly, he said "Yes."

She began to expound... "As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man. I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden. I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy. God made woman to be a help mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself."

When she finished her spill, she looked at him . He sat there with a puzzled look on his face.

He said, "You are asking a lot."

She replied, "I'm worth a lot."

Thanks dear, it is amazingly enlightening, and thus, I am sharing it with my readers.  ¶ 09:01

  Day Two On the second day of the new year I suppose I ought to tie up some lose ends by apologising to the ones I have sinned against this year. Especially that person whom I was chatting with last night. I've been thinking about what I said and as much as I am absolutely appalled by the things that you've suggested... I think that the bulk of the fault really lies on my shoulders. For that I am truly sorry.

Also an apology to a certain very good friend up north for losing my temper in a most undignified way sometime in September last year. Well, I trust that you are in the most suitable position to decide what should or should not happen... as much as I am disappointed in the manner that things have turned out to be, I suppose... grrrrr.... you are right. Oh well. Que sera sera.

A very reluctant apology to that person whom I spent three years of my good youth with. As much as I am agonized by the manner things have turned out to be, I should like to say this to you: good riddance, and good luck. And thanks for pointing out to me that I am happier without you. Although I still stand by my opinion that you could have had more tact, for what was worth. No one deserves to be treated like shit and I thank you very much for proving to me that being treated like shit is absolutely possible.

*PHEW*

Thereby I wish to add another three important points that I should achieve by the end of 2004.

Not to be treated like shit.

To be happy.

If I were to be with someone, that someone must make me happy.

I know I know. You'll make her happy won't you? This question you must answer one. MUST ANSWER. MUST ANSWER. MUST MUST MUST ANSWER.   ¶ 08:23

  'Happy' New Year Oh Minishorts you're such a fool, you keep forgetting the rules of the game and you forget about how you should hold your tongue until you're absolutely sure.

'But I thought it was more. It was everything and more. The signals were so glaring.'

Yeah well. I'm sure they were glaring. Anyway, whatever signals they were, look what has happened. Are you happy now?

'I don't know lah. Just another crushed feather to add to the hat of a screwed up year. What else is there supposed to know.'

Where the heck is your dignity and pride, Minishorts. Where the heck it is. Well, anyway what's done is done I guess. No point dwelling on spilt milk. Do you have your resolutions for the new year?

'Well of course.

Hold my tongue until I'm absolutely sure.

Work, work, work!

Study, study, study!

Get more sleep. See five hours of sleep a day is killing me...

LOSE WEIGHT!!!

Will that do?'

Yeah, well. Make sure you hold your tongue. Keep your heart still. Don't you think 2003 was messed up enough for you already? You better hope for a better year ahead.
  ¶ 09:04