New Things in Life I'm going to be 24 this end of October. As I gradually hit my first quarter of a century on Earth, there are a few things that have changed significantly in life. Today, I should like to talk about the most amazing thing that has shocked the wits out of me.

It is now, still, stupifyingly shocking, how perfectly decent men, whom you got to know when they were still boys, who were nicely decent boys then, have grown up to be hormone-raging males of the species, who now walk around with invicible labels above their head saying, 'I'm a man.'; who now look down at your chest if you terpakai a lower cut blouse, (Think CLEAVAGE), who when they talk now, sometimes stiffen their diction with sexual innuendoes, who now make out of taste flirtatious comments, and who absolutely, absolutely turn you off.

Its a horrifying shocker, because these were the very same people you grew up with, kids that you've known since their voices were a higher soprano than your own.

Or when you tertangkap them staring at your accidental cleavage, girls girls!! Hey, now you get scared and you actually wonder what these men are thinking behind your back. Or talking about you behind your back.

Or what type of images they form of you behind your back.

Gah.

On another note, what do you do when your bf tells you that he doesn't know if he's still in love with his ex? Or when somebody asks you, if you are still in love with your ex? Or when you do ponder on these two questions, and then you wonder, 'Hmmmm is he? Hmmm... am I?'

I'm not entirely sure. Is it possible to be in love with your bf, but also in love with some snippets of the past at the same time?

If I were to weigh the differences, of course I love my bf more. Cos he loves me more than my ex loves me. I recall during the break, my ex told me something along the lines of, 'I'll always love you.'

So doesn't matter. I've learnt to value time in the present only. And the future will fall into place.
  ¶ 23:20

  Hey You! Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to make an official announcement that I shall not be writing any Friendster testimonial for anyone that I have only known for less than 10 days. I think its appallingly insulting that I pretend to know you and write a testimonial for you just so that you can have an 'impressive' list of 'friends' who are vouching for you, with stupid, untrue words. If you message me again and ask me to write you a testimonial, please think about how stupidly stupid your stupid sense of humour is.

Don't be so lame to go around ICQing people, and especially, sending me an e-mail, saying 'hi, how are you, long time no see' only to end it with a 'please write me a testimonial for friendster'. Obviously you have no self-regard for yourself, and if you really need Friendster testimonials to boost your happiness and confidence, OMG... please lah at least approach people who you know well.

I mean, I do admit I'm somewhat of a Friendster advocate, and testimonials are fun especially if they come from friends who know you well. Most of my testimonials are amazingly honest (Ed calls me a fire-reeking dragon in his testimonial to me, and many have said that I'm very aggressive)... but when someone doesn't really know you, and sends you a testimonial. Ha. That's like totally fake. I know I do, at times, ping my friends and do beg them for a testimonial, but I certainly do not go around pestering a person that I hardly know, and I mean PESTERING, as in, e-mails, messages, IM-messages and what nots, begging for testimonials.

Today, I'm applying some rules regarding this matter.

1. If you voluntarily write me a testimonial, thank you very much.
2. If I voluntarily write you a testimonial, and you write me a testimonial in return, thank you very much.
3. I like to be reciprocal, so if I don't know you very well but you write me a testimonial, I'll probably write you a testimonial that says something like this: 'This is to verify that minishorts is a friend of XXX. Other than that, to know what XXX is like, please do message him/her and be his/her friend. Don't ask me what he/she is like, because I think you can find out and decide for yourself.'
4. If I only attended a 12-day camp with you during which maybe we were close to each other, but after which you do not even bother to keep in touch nor send me news of yourself nor find out how I'm doing, DON'T, I repeat, DON'T ask me to write you a testimonial.

Now excuse me while I be a hypocrite for the last time and go write a fake testimonial since I promised someone that I will. Otherwise, the rules 1-4 above will apply beginning tomorrow.

Toodles.
  ¶ 17:50

  OooooWwwwwww!!! Dum dum dum dum dee dum dum dum deee dum dum dum. Dum dum dum. Dum dum dum. Dooo dooo dum dum dum dum deee dum dum .... dum dum dum... dum dumm dumm .... da da da dee do do do doooooooo... whee wheee woo woo dum dum dum ba ram ba ba ram daram ram da da dum dum dum deee dee doo dooo dooo da da da dee dee doooooooo....

woh ooo woh ooo yeah yeah. yeah yeah woo woo. da rab da rab dum dum dee dee doo doo daaa....

Step. Step. Step. I seem to step on other people's shoes a lot.

Stupid world. What's with you lah, idiot. If you're so confident of yourself, don't lah make such a big fuss if a clumsy nutcase like me terpijak on your big foot. Sorry lah. But most of the time we don't means it. We don't wants it. We don't asks for it.

*Minishorts minishorts*

Ahhhhh...

Over. Out.   ¶ 08:21

  Well, well, well Today the significance of minishorts.net has struck me like a lightning bolt. The extent of how this blog has shaped my recent past is unbelievably incredible, and for once, I'm quite speechless. For many bloggers like yours truly, you would have had this revelation already, I think... yes yes yes believe it, I am absolutely shocked, after long months of ploughing along in this silly fashion, logging on to blogger.com every day to record the events of the day, or the after-events of the events... I have only begun to admit it.

No lah, I didn't actually think that having a blog would have any effect on my life at all. Previously it was just... blog lor. Record lor. Continue lor.

Now, right...my decisions are actually affected by the comments that you give me. WHOA. I can't believe it.

You see, just three days ago I have had to overcome a particularly minor intrusion into my otherwise reasonably calm life, and because I was quite troubled by this little issue, I blogged it lah (as usual). OK OK, so most of you probably have speculations, and please be assured that most of you speculated wrongly (hoi I'm not dying to get married okay?!)... the point is its my private life... and I have hardly blogged my private life in public ever since you-know-what happened last Valentine's... so obviously readers are not entitled to have too much of a peek into my life...

But the fact is this: Regardless of what you do know or do not know... ever since you-know-what happened, everything significant that I do seems to be dangerously clinging to the b-l-o-g. Like the decision that I made the night before.

I'm not sure if thats entirely a good thing.

Die die die.  ¶ 14:12

  Updates I went to a primary school reunion on Saturday and was shocked to find out that one of my classmates was already happily married and had a one-year-old son. You know what they say about this? Some Chinese would say, 'Hou meng jao ka yan lorrrrrr'

Means 'if you're lucky in life you'd be married already.'

I'm astounded.

As for me, did I learn to accept things? I've just realized the quality of the words, 'Don't take things at face value.'

So I'm learning to accept. And if you're reading this, and you're wondering why. Don't ask why. I don't know why.   ¶ 23:16

  What should I do? I'm utterly disappointed. Last night was spent tossing in bed thinking about what I should do.

I'm just so horribly disappointed, I don't see how things can be changed or remedied at all.

The worse thing is, the 'Right Thing to Do' keeps on resurfacing itself over and over again within my mind. There's too many things to keep me back.

What should I do?   ¶ 17:57

  You know what? It doesn't matter. I'm still figuring out stuff. I think I'm kinda busy these days. Too busy for my own good. I think right, I need relax and really, really be myself for once. Initially I wanted to take a holiday with people I love... but then... people I love seem to be confined to such a small group... So I'm game for Angeline's 17-day holiday in a beachy place.

I'm going to take what's remaining of my leave and really be myself for once. Its an all girl thing, or maybe if we're able to convince good ole' David to come with his miniDV (which is still with me), it could be a really cool get-together. Of course Susan has got to come also. Ah. Or if I think that a place like Langkawi is going to cost me too much, otherwise I might just call FM up and find out if she wants to do a 3 day weekend getaway in some cold hill area.

And you know what? Its times like this that I believe that its a case of bad, bad karma. I suppose its really one huge vicious cycle. What goes around, comes around. And I'm feeling awfully, awfully sorry for myself.

I tell you dearies, no, its not a PMS thing. Maybe its the examinations. Maybe its not entirely a good thing. But the point is. You don't even know what I'm talking about. So don't bother speculating.

And you know what? I'm not going to bother thinking that much after this long weekend is past.

ED: If you read this I really, really need to talk to you.   ¶ 21:58

  It's That Time of the Month Again I'm having one of those PMS mood swings right now. One minute I feel extremely hyper, another minute my feelings seem to plunge down to the very lowest. When I'm choreographing the moves to the Reach song, I feel exuberantly happy. Then afterwards, I get a simmering murmur down in my stomach, and then I feel as if I'm going to explode. Or all of a sudden I feel my eyes water, the tiniest trickle of a tear forming in my eyes, and I don't even know why I'm sniffing when the air conditioner's turned on to a 'just-nice' temperature.

They're part and parcel of being a woman I guess, these symptoms that probably indicate it's that time of the month again. The trouble with me is, the gravity of the troubles seem to double, even triple, every time I get emotionally attached to somebody.

When all I really have to care about are my family, work and friends, these swings happen, but they don't affect my emotions so badly. Now I feel terribly edgy, and I'm at the brink of bursting out in anger, or starting a wailfest. The best thing is, I'm not even sure what I'm upset about. And for that very 'not-very-sure' reason, I've begun to nitpick. I'm plucking out needles in haystacks, and you know, I do it quite well! I've even perfectly valid reasons to justify my grumbling spirit. And then the awful lines that I make up just replay themselves repeatedly in the mind....

I just wonder how long they would last. Its been long since I last had such an awful PMS. The last time was when I was emotionally attached to somebody else. And now... this. I'm now come to believe that my PMS swings get worse whenever I fall in love. For some unknown and probably biological reason, my body physically moves into 'Listen to me mode!' while my head fights with the rest of the growling self to remain normal.

Urgh... I just feel horrible horrible. Accusative lines are hanging at the tip of my tongue and I'm trying very, very hard to keep them back. *CONTROL! CONTROL IS THE KEY!*

I'm going to get one of those pink pills today. You think they'll help?   ¶ 10:06

  Why Minishorts? One of the most frequent questions I get from friends and readers would be why I've named my domain (and henceforth, my online alter-ego) 'minishorts'. Somehow, it sounds like a pretty risque pseudonym, possibly giving off some incorrect assumptions about what I'm like... No, I do not fancy wearing hot-pants, nor miniskirts and Minishorts is certainly not that kind of blonde-haired wannabe clubber... I've said it many times, its because when I first started the blog, it was called in a very cliched manner, 'Big Little Thots', but biglittlethots.net didn't sound very cool... plus the fact that I got hosted by the urban-flirt.net people (whose site has since been taken off the net), I chose a domain name that would rhyme with 'thots'. And, since it was a blog, with what would be usually 'shorter' entries... I used the word 'shorts'.

Come to think of it, why must 'minishorts' be regarded as a pair of women's outer garments? Could mini-shorts be considered in another fashion, mini short entries? Mini short posts? Mini short blogs? Mini Shorts. Get it? Faham? Comprendez?

Okay, so most of what I type aren't that short anyway, but the point is, Minishorts is not a risque person, she's not affiliated in anyway to women in ultra high-cut bikinis or great bods (in which case she's trying desperately hard to keep her fat from protruding out of her jeans waistline).

My ex hated the idea of the blog. Read here. He absolutely deplored the idea of the open online outlet. You see, when I first started my blog I was still dating Pek Yong, going to celebrate our third year together... and then I found out about blogging, got hooked on it and eventually became quite The Blogger ... Funnily as I gained momentum in writing my thoughts on the blog the mechanisms of my relationship just ceased to work gradually. And then finally the clockwork broke apart and this is the woman you know now. And I like her more than i like the woman who was dating Pek Yong.

Any regrets?

A colleague of mine passed away in a sudden road accident yesterday... and now that I think about it, life is just too short to dwell on regrets, or think of what could have been. The unpredictable quality of life itself also makes it unreasonable to plan too much on the future, because like what they say, 'You never know what you're going to get.' Life's really made up of little chunks of 'mini' shorts, in many ways... the expected will happen, yes, but always expect the unexpected, and that they always come in little shorts, and however miniscule the details might be, the effects that they might throw on you would always be astounding. And don't be shocked. Or regret too much. Or think about it too much. Or spend too much time crying over split milk. Or about what could have been.

So no. No regrets.   ¶ 16:40

  Post-Valentine's Album Ooooh lookie lookie!! I didn't do a Friday the 13th post, nor did I post anything for Valentine's Day as so many other people have done, but would a post-Valentine's Day gloat-fest suffice? Okay okay, here's how it went

  ¶ 15:04

  Melinda Wrote My old friend, Melinda signed a private note in my guestbook today!

You can't ever imagine how incredibly surprised I am. But yes, it does come with a dash of pleasant happiness, and yippeee!!!!! The incomplete circle's temporarily intact again. Now if people wrote and asked me how is Melinda, I can tell something more than 'Oh I lost touch with her for over a year.'

She did say that she was impressed at the fact that I've made my life an open book.

But its not an Open book, Mel dear...oh well, it was for a while, but now you hardly know what's really going on.

That aside, here's something to think about: what would you guys do if someone did this to your girl?   ¶ 23:35

  A Big Thank You I'd like to thank Ed, Darren and Edwin for helping me with the retrieval of my photos. I think I've managed to acquire 95% of what was missing, and that alone has left me tremendously grateful. Should I give you guys a huge slurpy kiss?

Muaks!! Smooch!! Thanks a zil.

On another note, he has struck again!!

Him: Who is SL?
Her: My boyfriend.
Him: U told me u were single liao?
Her: Urm... yeah I was single for almost a year...
Him: I see... Hmmmm he is not as leng chai as me!!
Her: Urm...
Him: Yeah so you still have the chance to op for me..
Her: Urm... I'm perfectly fine here...
Him: Don't brag la... If u come quick u still can op for me u knoe?
Her: OMG...
Him: Y not? I'm more leng chai...
Her: I don't like braggarts.

...nor nutcases, nor idiots, nor heartbreakers, nor ...


  ¶ 08:14

  Aren't You Happy? I must be on a slightly extra sensitive mood today. Maybe its because of the lack of sleep.

Last night, I accidentally deleted 200 MB worth of photos, ones that I took over the CNY holidays and some that were taken during the month of December. All that remains are the resized 'saved-for-web' copies that are in the gallery. Following which I felt a pain in my chest that started to burn a little.

But still, because I was anticipating happiness, the agony of losing 200 MB worth of memories didn't hit me that badly. I thought that's all too fine because good things were coming to be...

But the shock of it is I'm supposed to be exuberant but ultimately I'm not. I thought I would be extremely happy and joyful I'm not. I'm just slightly pinched, somewhere near the heart, a little bit sore and a little bit slighted. Add that on to the earlier mishap, what was really a very miniscule prick around the ribcage suddenly trickled a little.

Never mind, it dried up later. So it doesn't matter now.

There's got to be a cage around my heart I guess, it having been sliced across over and over again in the past. At one point in my life I thought that the wounds in my heart would never heal, and recently they did seem to have disappeared.

I guess scars don't go away, they haunt you once in a while, and the experience of what has been sort of makes you build protective barriers about yourself.

You probably don't know what I'm talking about—but I really felt slighted. I think I'm going to sit in a corner by myself and think about what has happened for a bit. But this time I'm not going to talk it out. In the past I've learnt that talking things out don't always work. However, I'm blogging this because I don't want to keep it in my heart forever, because I believe in a little bit of voyeuring, because a little bit of spillage will make me look at things in another light and see how small the matter really is, and that I ought to be happy.

Because that's what everyone deserves to be. Happy.   ¶ 10:56

  Unnecessary Thoughts Dear Minishorts:

You know right? The fact that I'm a terrible worrier. If I showed you my palm you'll notice the abundance of thinking lines on the palm. I think too much. Most of my friends have smooth palms. OK maybe except Shadowlight. His palms have many thinking lines too. He's even more information hungry than I am, and if you catch him in his 'thinking mode', you absolutely don't want to disturb him. And then he'll just go into 'thinking mode' everytime you say something stupid or smart.

But that's besides the point.

The point is, FM's mother was looking at my palm the other day and she said I should stop thinking so much. She said I can't really help it and its probably because I did Language study and Literature that more lines have surface. Now how's that for a homemade hypothesis regarding, 'Why this girl thinks so much?'

Did you get the reason?

Its because studying literature makes me think of all the wh-question-answers to all the things that I confront.

MMmmmmm...

Now what if people who don't know I have a blog find out that I have a blog. They'll probably say this, 'Its because you have a blog, and then because you need to publish things to your blog, that you're thinking so much.'

I was troubled yesterday. I was talking to Chocobo about it and in the end he came up with this, 'I don't get what it is with people who think so much of what others think of them."

Wait wait. I don't. If I do I wouldn't be having a blog okay. This space here has probably the ultimate reason for the repetitive humiliation and shocks that I seem to get in the past 2 1/2 years.

BTW, the brain's made for thinking, and we're only using less than 5% of its thinking capacity. Now what's so bad about thinking so much, except that maybe some of the thoughts are necessarily. Being a thinker living in the new millenium, now doesn't that make me, 'Today's modern thinking woman?'

Alright. I've crapped enough today. Buhbye.

  ¶ 11:33

  Desperately Seeking Ideas Minishorts was supposed to be studying last night and adding the finish touches to her Infant Developmental Communication paper but instead she got distracted instead. A friend popped into MSN to ask her stuff.

'Eh what do girls like ah?'

'What...'

'U knoe lah Valentine's is coming.'

'Yes I know. Urgh. Oh no. I haven't celebrated it in a year plus.'

'Yeah well I don't know what to get her... what should I give to her... '

'Lemme see... give her something she doesn't have...

'I think there's nothing she doesn't have.'

'Die. I'm having problems myself. You tell me what I should get???'

'Gah. I asked someone who's in peril herself.'

'Yeah. So smart. Let us rot in "dunno-wat-2-get-him/her haven", and tell me when you've thought of something...'

So now Minishorts doesn't know what to get!! Dieee....

Perfume. Out. Sweat too much. Will stink later. Keychains. Out. Got more than enough already. Not going to hire and stripper nor be a stripper either. Clothes also. Out. He's got more than enough. Soft toy also out. Because he say he wants soft toy so I think he'll be expecting a soft toy so no can do.

Want to get him something that will make him go like 'WOW'. Like outshine all the gifts that he's gotten from previous people. Something thats so totally minishorts; like phhhwwwooooarrr!!! irreplaceable kind of thing. And don't say minishorts okay... not like he can do anything with a pair of short pants anyway. Ok or else if don't have 'wow' have ah ...'Mmmmmm...' and then dream dream dream kind of feeling also never mind. As long as its something that will permanently place minishorts in his heart and mind... like unforgettable. Crap my Engrish veli good.

So what to get?
  ¶ 13:28

  What's 'Bliss'? Its called bliss when you're on a holiday where you get to snuggle up in bed to the things you love the most, like pillows and blankets and soft playing Japanese anime soundtracks in the background. You just want time to stay put as it is while you laze in the comfort and splendour of it all. So cozy and warm, no?

And then the next day suddenly dawns on you and the shock of realizing that *oh shit I need to get back to work* pours on like a bucket of icy cold water on your back. That's where 'bliss' stops abruptly.

I'm working today because its not a holiday for people like me. Its already the third day of February, and no, I'm not done with the shock of it yet. I've done my Priorities for the month since the secretary is on Raya leave, and I still have the Objectives to work on. I've finished almost half a box of nga ku, that sinfully delicious deep fried water chestnut chips that every Chinese household would have during CNY. Yesterday was good, oh yes. . . really slept most of the afternoon away. That's how a holiday should really be like...

Oh well, fret not, for I've got another long weekend to look forward to this week.
  ¶ 14:09

  It's February Already?!! Today I woke up to the horrible realization that its the second month of 2004 already.

Its still Chinese New Year but the countdown to Chap Goh Meh is ending.... My Developmental Linguistics term paper #2 deadline is up on that very same day and then there's the recently assigned Pragmatics paper deadline on the 21st and then after that I have my second semester finals!! And then soon it will be the long three month holiday (for the master's programme) where I'm supposed to be busy collecting data for my dissertation... and then, and then it will be September and its my deadline!! And then if all goes well and my paper gets approved and then it will be my second convocation very soon and then, and then, ... I'll be almost 26!!! And then and then biological clock will start ticking and then and then ...

OMG

minishorts.net would be four years old by then...

I think I lost too much money in last night's Black Jack session. *sniff*  ¶ 10:46