minishorts.net
Monday, September 30
My life
... is totally boring
... which is why
... this loser
... makes up stories about herself
... and tell them to the world
don't we all
... have stupid dreams
... of achieving stardom
... making it big
... in hollywood
... and seducing Brad Pitt
... away from Jennifer Aniston
what a loser I am
... is totally boring
... which is why
... this loser
... makes up stories about herself
... and tell them to the world
don't we all
... have stupid dreams
... of achieving stardom
... making it big
... in hollywood
... and seducing Brad Pitt
... away from Jennifer Aniston
what a loser I am
Saturday, September 28
Had plenty to do yesterday and this morning. Of course one of my uncles was in town and he brought us to Overseas Restaurant in Asia Jaya for dinner. Ours was in the same hall where a wedding banquet was going on and well, we had a pretty interesting time looking at the guests and of course the stars ( bride and groom )... I think the bride was pretty tired and stress out, and she wasn't smiling at all - in fact, my uncle said that she had on a really 'black' face... =) Anyway she still looked very pretty and I really do think the groom was really handsome...
I had a little squabble with Ma today, this morning cause she couldn't make up her mind what dinner will be. You know how excited she is when there is any visitor... she doesn't think rationally and BECAUSE she is MY MOTHER, she thinks she can get away with her nonsense, and gets away she does...So in the end I had to tell PY that tonight's little meeting is cancelled cos I MIGHT have to go out for dinner with family - notice the 'might' is capitalized because I really don't know what's going to happen yet. You know? My uncle's going to be in Genting for the night and he only said that he MIGHT (capitals again!!) call us out for dinner... I really don't know whats going to happen if nobody calls us. I guess Ma is going to sit in her little sofa and pretend that it doesn't matter when I know that deep inside her, it does.
I seldom make my blogs so personal... I guess when you're having a lot in your mind, its really inevitable to have an outburst. Excuse me...
I had a little squabble with Ma today, this morning cause she couldn't make up her mind what dinner will be. You know how excited she is when there is any visitor... she doesn't think rationally and BECAUSE she is MY MOTHER, she thinks she can get away with her nonsense, and gets away she does...So in the end I had to tell PY that tonight's little meeting is cancelled cos I MIGHT have to go out for dinner with family - notice the 'might' is capitalized because I really don't know what's going to happen yet. You know? My uncle's going to be in Genting for the night and he only said that he MIGHT (capitals again!!) call us out for dinner... I really don't know whats going to happen if nobody calls us. I guess Ma is going to sit in her little sofa and pretend that it doesn't matter when I know that deep inside her, it does.
I seldom make my blogs so personal... I guess when you're having a lot in your mind, its really inevitable to have an outburst. Excuse me...
Thursday, September 26
I just got hold of the FIFA 2002 World Cup Football game and its really cool, except I can't do the passes very well... I'm not very good at playing games I guess. I've seen PY play and he just flicks on the keyboard and the players just swoosh in and out of the field and go straight to the goal... Mine just keeps giving up throw-ins for the opposing team as well as goal kicks for every trial shot... I'm such a dunce.
Well, even in Monsters Inc. Scare Island I'm afraid... and that's a game for children, not for 22 year olds!!! I just get the frights everytime Sulley goes on a ledge in the darkness or he has to jump across ledges, and then he always falls over there!! That's not so bad, what's worse is my heart goes bumpbumpbump everytime that happens - like the adrenaline is going to overflow soon my fingers get shaking and my palms, sweaty... All these for a stupid little game... I played that until 1.30 am in the morning and I still can't get through the first stages... I told you I was a dunce.
Maybe I should go back to chatting online and writing in my blog. I'm calmer at that.
Well, even in Monsters Inc. Scare Island I'm afraid... and that's a game for children, not for 22 year olds!!! I just get the frights everytime Sulley goes on a ledge in the darkness or he has to jump across ledges, and then he always falls over there!! That's not so bad, what's worse is my heart goes bumpbumpbump everytime that happens - like the adrenaline is going to overflow soon my fingers get shaking and my palms, sweaty... All these for a stupid little game... I played that until 1.30 am in the morning and I still can't get through the first stages... I told you I was a dunce.
Maybe I should go back to chatting online and writing in my blog. I'm calmer at that.
Wednesday, September 25
You know when you have lots of things to say and then the server goes out on you... you know the kind of frustrated feeling you get? And then the next day you wake up and you realise that what you wanted to say yesterday has already become insignificant and isn't worth talking about anymore...
You know when you have sudden jousts of inspiration and you are just dying to get them down on paper and then you realise that everything doesn't really matter that much, after all ... when you bring out that paper 3 days later you realise that you have run out of that kind of inspiration to even write anything worthwhile at all...
Proscrastination is a sin really, but human beings can't ever get out of its trap, can they?
You know when you have sudden jousts of inspiration and you are just dying to get them down on paper and then you realise that everything doesn't really matter that much, after all ... when you bring out that paper 3 days later you realise that you have run out of that kind of inspiration to even write anything worthwhile at all...
Proscrastination is a sin really, but human beings can't ever get out of its trap, can they?
Monday, September 23
I'm beginning to think I'm a little bit of a hypocrite as I go along my daily blogging. If you think about the following poem by Emily Dickinson, maybe you'd agree a whole lot with me... after all we are all nobodies aren't we?
I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us, ---don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!
So, it boils down to this ... telling my life story as each day passes - what am I trying to do really? Trying to be famous? Of course that's a little dream, just a little dream ... of becoming as famous as JK Rowling when one of sudden bolds of inspirations give me a good jumpstart to a promising plot that will perhaps, surpass Harry Potter and make me the most famous Asian of all time - because MY writings made it to the world. Because I'm just about the only Chinese, Malaysian, Female nobody who made it big with her little stories to little people....
Wishful thinking. Thank goodness for Dickinson who brings us back down to earth and reality. Aih... she's rubbing off on me, she really is....
I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us, ---don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!
So, it boils down to this ... telling my life story as each day passes - what am I trying to do really? Trying to be famous? Of course that's a little dream, just a little dream ... of becoming as famous as JK Rowling when one of sudden bolds of inspirations give me a good jumpstart to a promising plot that will perhaps, surpass Harry Potter and make me the most famous Asian of all time - because MY writings made it to the world. Because I'm just about the only Chinese, Malaysian, Female nobody who made it big with her little stories to little people....
Wishful thinking. Thank goodness for Dickinson who brings us back down to earth and reality. Aih... she's rubbing off on me, she really is....
Sunday, September 22
Okay... I had a pretty long day. Went to Plaza Rakyat - had a pretty weird but filling lunch and then headed over to Low Yat to get some CDs... in the end I didn't buy any cos PY told me to get them at Endah Parade - its easier to exchange them in case there'd be something wrong since Endah's so near to my house. I finally got Photoshop 7.0 and wasted money on a 'Survivor' game... it sucks. Nothing like the real thing, as they say, and there's a reason why one should avoid games based on tv series / hit movies. Today I finally realised the effects of bad gaming... aih... what a waste of good money...
I'm a little more than flabbergasted. I invited some people to check out this site, and guess what, the addiction entry intrigued them the most!! More like the part about my self-proclaimed addiction to sex was the attraction! I'm supposed to clear some doubts here ...
I think sex is wonderful. Its one of God's greatest gifts to mankind. Dr Q once said, and I quote: "Isn't it amazing how we are addicted to something that looks so ugly?" Shall I add then, feels so wonderful... I enjoy doing sex every single day. I love the feelings... love the sensations.... (if you know me you should know that I'm crapping a bit here... ) I dream of it sometimes, but then again, I believe in abstinence. I'm asian!! You dim-witted fools!!! I'm Malaysian! I'm Chinese! And hey, I'm ChooKi... I thought you guys knew me... oh gawd. I like watching shows with sexual elements because they add to the thrill... I get kicks out of wondering how these men and women can do fake so many things in front of so many people: the director, the producer, the camera crew and all... and more so how many takes did it take to make it to the screen? How many takes were deleted? I enjoy that part. I like reading erotic stuff sometimes, but the mills and boons stuff and those on the net are really overkill.. I prefer subtle stuff.... I have fantasies about it, but doesn't everyone?
But no... I'm still a virgin. I still wonder what its like. And I plan to keep innocent until my wedding night.
I hope this clears the confusion.
I think sex is wonderful. Its one of God's greatest gifts to mankind. Dr Q once said, and I quote: "Isn't it amazing how we are addicted to something that looks so ugly?" Shall I add then, feels so wonderful... I enjoy doing sex every single day. I love the feelings... love the sensations.... (if you know me you should know that I'm crapping a bit here... ) I dream of it sometimes, but then again, I believe in abstinence. I'm asian!! You dim-witted fools!!! I'm Malaysian! I'm Chinese! And hey, I'm ChooKi... I thought you guys knew me... oh gawd. I like watching shows with sexual elements because they add to the thrill... I get kicks out of wondering how these men and women can do fake so many things in front of so many people: the director, the producer, the camera crew and all... and more so how many takes did it take to make it to the screen? How many takes were deleted? I enjoy that part. I like reading erotic stuff sometimes, but the mills and boons stuff and those on the net are really overkill.. I prefer subtle stuff.... I have fantasies about it, but doesn't everyone?
But no... I'm still a virgin. I still wonder what its like. And I plan to keep innocent until my wedding night.
I hope this clears the confusion.
Saturday, September 21
Food!!! Lots and lots of it... that's my first thought when I arrived at Saisaki Restaurant at UOA II yesterday... for around 43++, there's quite a platter at this place, there's my favourite salmon (loads of it, even though I didn't take too much), the shobu-shobu (I think that's how its called), a bit of korean food here and there, many, many varieties of drinks, tempura, teppanyaki... everything Japanese lah... I had a really filling time, and I mean to go there again, maybe bring ma there cos she's so fond of sashimi and all that.
Yesterday was actually a reunion of sorts for 8 of us who went to school together back in 1997... everybody's working now, except me and Pek Yong lah... Aih, everyone's a professional!!! Out of the 8, excluding Pek Yong and myself, I think 5 are working engineers ( what a classy and prestigious moniker eh? ) and the other is a hotshot computer programmer... Aih... sorta makes me feel a little belittled by my pending degree. Who cares if I'm going to get a first class honours in my degree? I'm still not a bloody professional. And if I were to marry Pek Yong, he'd only be a doctor in another 4 years!!!
Gosh... I'm beginning to sound as if I care a lot about material possessions!! Hey, the world is a materialistic one. Read Seize The Day? Human beings can't help it. We're married to suffering, whether or not we choose to love it is another matter. Of course I don't love suffering, but I keep getting dragged into it, mostly due to my horrible, horrible penchant to envying other people's luck and fortune. I suppose they have their own problems also, but mine's different. Mine's suffering from a lack of money-related prestiges... aih... OKAY, money isn't everything!!! YES I KNOW I KNOW ... just, when you see this people with their freedom in the workplace and their financial stability, it makes you envious.
Anyway there's good coming out of all this. Just makes me want to work harder to succeed. I do hope I'm able to grad with a first class in another 6 months. I'll be sooooo happy ....
Yesterday was actually a reunion of sorts for 8 of us who went to school together back in 1997... everybody's working now, except me and Pek Yong lah... Aih, everyone's a professional!!! Out of the 8, excluding Pek Yong and myself, I think 5 are working engineers ( what a classy and prestigious moniker eh? ) and the other is a hotshot computer programmer... Aih... sorta makes me feel a little belittled by my pending degree. Who cares if I'm going to get a first class honours in my degree? I'm still not a bloody professional. And if I were to marry Pek Yong, he'd only be a doctor in another 4 years!!!
Gosh... I'm beginning to sound as if I care a lot about material possessions!! Hey, the world is a materialistic one. Read Seize The Day? Human beings can't help it. We're married to suffering, whether or not we choose to love it is another matter. Of course I don't love suffering, but I keep getting dragged into it, mostly due to my horrible, horrible penchant to envying other people's luck and fortune. I suppose they have their own problems also, but mine's different. Mine's suffering from a lack of money-related prestiges... aih... OKAY, money isn't everything!!! YES I KNOW I KNOW ... just, when you see this people with their freedom in the workplace and their financial stability, it makes you envious.
Anyway there's good coming out of all this. Just makes me want to work harder to succeed. I do hope I'm able to grad with a first class in another 6 months. I'll be sooooo happy ....
Friday, September 20
Muahahhaha.... exams over over over!!! Yes!!! I am so... relieved because I have finally gotten one huge stone off my shoulder. Not that I'm totally free though... now I can finally concentrate on working those articles for the paper and the scholarship applications... so that's a reason to celebrate...
Lemme go do my beauty regime...
Lemme go do my beauty regime...
Thursday, September 19
Let me tell you that green is the colour of blue plus yellow. Blue being the men of the land, yellow being visitors who come and remain in the land and yearn to become part of the land but still wanting to retain their yellowness. The blue men do not want the yellow men to stay for long, and the blue men impose directives and oppress the yellow for wants of their land rights, and the yellow men know and realise and accept this oppression and injustice because their gratefulness remains above all, for the land is kind to them, more kind than the mother land ever was. Green is the colour of the children of blue and yellow, yellow’s children and blue’s children, striving to surviving in harmony but unable to overcome the historical remnants that have made them who they are. Green is the colour of peace, of love, of harmony, green is more beautiful than blue, than yellow, but green finds it hard to exist.
Inspired by Lloyd Fernando’s Green is the Colour
Inspired by Lloyd Fernando’s Green is the Colour
Tell all the Truth but tell it slant -
Success in Circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
The Truth's superb surprise
As Lightning to the Children eased
With explanation kind
The Truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind -
(Emily Dickinson ~1868)
Sorta sums up everything, doesn't it? Life, here is like this. I think I have to rethink the plot. How? How?
Success in Circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
The Truth's superb surprise
As Lightning to the Children eased
With explanation kind
The Truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind -
(Emily Dickinson ~1868)
Sorta sums up everything, doesn't it? Life, here is like this. I think I have to rethink the plot. How? How?
Oh.. sweet sweet victory... and silly me ... i got thru !!! Yes... so everything should look quite cool now that i've finally discovered the secret!!! Ok... if you are a long time blogger, don't laugh at my stupidity. If you are just like me learning how to do stuff , lemme tell u that everytime u create a new template, and you want everything in your blog to look like the new one - go hit 'republish all' in archives... okay???
Wednesday, September 18
It boils down to this -
As much as I spend most of the day trying to fix the archive problem. It doesn't work. So ... you'll only be able to enjoy this little photofilled layout on the main page and the archive area. I have no idea what to do with the remaining ugly site that insists on staying on the other links to my previous entries....
Still waiting for my savior in shining armour...
As much as I spend most of the day trying to fix the archive problem. It doesn't work. So ... you'll only be able to enjoy this little photofilled layout on the main page and the archive area. I have no idea what to do with the remaining ugly site that insists on staying on the other links to my previous entries....
Still waiting for my savior in shining armour...
I can't seem to properly create the archive list. I want to put the whole list on this page itself but no matter what I do it doesn't seem to work.
This Blog is taking up too much of me...
This Blog is taking up too much of me...
Liberation
Finally everything is in working order. Thanks to Yuan Kok of course... the CD drive, burner drive and the scanner are all working !!!!
Anyway... first things first. I was shocked out of my wits when Pek Yong first brought the comp back. Nothing could work, the internet lines were not working, neither was the modem, and then I forgot my own internet connection password! But that wasn't the worst thing. The nightmare came when we couldn't find my previous documents on the CDs, and I thought that they both forgot to backup my files before formatting the comp. And guess what ? I burst into tears. No... that's an understatement. I wailed -- yucks until ma came up to find out what's wrong - that bad!! (Ok, now that I'm reminiscing the afternoon I feel totally embarassed ). I think Pek Yong was too stunned to moved as I kept accusing him and wailing at the same time. Hey... you know how previous some stuff could get - I even went to the extent of thinking I didn't want to see him for the rest of my life.
So finally, the documents were found, in one of the discs, after calling Yuan Kok and i started smiling again, and Pek Yong ... well, I think he was more relieved than I am now. Times like this that I really have to remind myself not to be so spoilt =) Aih ...
Finally everything is in working order. Thanks to Yuan Kok of course... the CD drive, burner drive and the scanner are all working !!!!
Anyway... first things first. I was shocked out of my wits when Pek Yong first brought the comp back. Nothing could work, the internet lines were not working, neither was the modem, and then I forgot my own internet connection password! But that wasn't the worst thing. The nightmare came when we couldn't find my previous documents on the CDs, and I thought that they both forgot to backup my files before formatting the comp. And guess what ? I burst into tears. No... that's an understatement. I wailed -- yucks until ma came up to find out what's wrong - that bad!! (Ok, now that I'm reminiscing the afternoon I feel totally embarassed ). I think Pek Yong was too stunned to moved as I kept accusing him and wailing at the same time. Hey... you know how previous some stuff could get - I even went to the extent of thinking I didn't want to see him for the rest of my life.
So finally, the documents were found, in one of the discs, after calling Yuan Kok and i started smiling again, and Pek Yong ... well, I think he was more relieved than I am now. Times like this that I really have to remind myself not to be so spoilt =) Aih ...
Tuesday, September 17
Darn the exams.
Darn my brains.
Darn the matric card.
Darn the library fines.
I couldn't remember the types of historical drama - can you believe my stupid, useless memory? URGH ... why do medieval plays have to be divided into two types - what happened to the masques? There's my paper going down, down, down... there goes my A ... urgh ... bye bye to my first class hopes... I'm going to hope that Dr Q treats me better in M'sian Lit. I think I'm going to cook some Joss and Gold, cross my fingers that everything in the essay will be related to that piece of classical junk (references to Madame Butterfly - uhuh... yeah... okay ...).
Lost my matric card!!! URGH ... I had to pay RM 45 to get a new one... and I can't borrow any books from the library for three weeks until I get the card. And ... yuck... why do I have the feeling that the lost card is going to turn up in my house one of these days?
Speaking of library - how can fines go as high as RM 12 ??? Shit... I only forgot to return the books for a week - RM 12 is a little far-fetched don't you think?
So there goes my dosh... :~(
Darn my brains.
Darn the matric card.
Darn the library fines.
I couldn't remember the types of historical drama - can you believe my stupid, useless memory? URGH ... why do medieval plays have to be divided into two types - what happened to the masques? There's my paper going down, down, down... there goes my A ... urgh ... bye bye to my first class hopes... I'm going to hope that Dr Q treats me better in M'sian Lit. I think I'm going to cook some Joss and Gold, cross my fingers that everything in the essay will be related to that piece of classical junk (references to Madame Butterfly - uhuh... yeah... okay ...).
Lost my matric card!!! URGH ... I had to pay RM 45 to get a new one... and I can't borrow any books from the library for three weeks until I get the card. And ... yuck... why do I have the feeling that the lost card is going to turn up in my house one of these days?
Speaking of library - how can fines go as high as RM 12 ??? Shit... I only forgot to return the books for a week - RM 12 is a little far-fetched don't you think?
So there goes my dosh... :~(
Monday, September 16
This is what I found out just now:
My weblog owns 37.5 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?
I'm so relieved I didn't cross the 50% mark...
Does your weblog own you?
I'm so relieved I didn't cross the 50% mark...
Chopin vs. Hemingway vs. Kafka.
Bleh... as much as I hated Old Man and The Sea to the extent of not going beyond the first chapter.... Hemingway here gets my vote for best short-story writer... of all the three I'm studying for my Critical App paper. I quite liked Chopin's Story of an Hour at first, but after spending hours mugging on Charlotte Perkins Gilman's insane nonsense, I think Chopin's attempts are a little ... little lacking. Don't you see the similarities??? Both oppressed women! Both have dominating ego-bursting idiots for husbands and both are a little mad. Have you ever heard of somebody dying of happiness??? Bleh.... So what if she had a weak heart?? Double bleh... (I better get rid of this blehing weakness....) Bleh bleh bleh...these feminist advocates are horrible, horrible representatives of women - they do nothing but lament about unhappy marriages and oppressed women who have no guts and prefer to kow-tow to their husbands. Why can't they write stories which are less depressing? Fiction is about creating fantasies sometimes, not always depicting real life!! When I read I'm looking for common experiences, but more importantly I WANT TO RELAX, ENJOY!!! Not be stunned out of my wits about what awaits me in the future (If my husband is a Mr Mallard or John, I'd leave them immediately). Write lah - about a woman who is successful, independant and more importantly, not oppressed by men!!!
At least every story in my list is tonnes better than The Bucket Rider. Now that's what you call sheer nonsense. Theme: hardships of poverty? Isn't that like sooooooooo lame? What's the point? When you die nobody cares because you are poor? Okay, fine. Let's say I like the theme. I sure hate the plot. What riding the bucket? What clang what hoot? I don't think Kafka did a very good job in his first person narration either.
So Hills Like White Elephants wins. Hands down!!! My interpretation of the woman is - she is totally brave, the epitome of the modern women. Please applaud Mr Hemingway for ... modelling, at last, an independant woman who makes up her own decisions and well even thought she goes with the man in the end, its entirely her own decision. For love, ah love... is great!! I don't really think her decision was affected by her lover. Aborting her child for the sake of the man - she loves him that's why!! Chopin's heroine does not love the man!! And the man, well, the man he can go to hell.
The above post is entirely my own opinion. I will not welcome sticks, stones or words. Bllllllleeeeeeeeeeeehhhhh
Bleh... as much as I hated Old Man and The Sea to the extent of not going beyond the first chapter.... Hemingway here gets my vote for best short-story writer... of all the three I'm studying for my Critical App paper. I quite liked Chopin's Story of an Hour at first, but after spending hours mugging on Charlotte Perkins Gilman's insane nonsense, I think Chopin's attempts are a little ... little lacking. Don't you see the similarities??? Both oppressed women! Both have dominating ego-bursting idiots for husbands and both are a little mad. Have you ever heard of somebody dying of happiness??? Bleh.... So what if she had a weak heart?? Double bleh... (I better get rid of this blehing weakness....) Bleh bleh bleh...these feminist advocates are horrible, horrible representatives of women - they do nothing but lament about unhappy marriages and oppressed women who have no guts and prefer to kow-tow to their husbands. Why can't they write stories which are less depressing? Fiction is about creating fantasies sometimes, not always depicting real life!! When I read I'm looking for common experiences, but more importantly I WANT TO RELAX, ENJOY!!! Not be stunned out of my wits about what awaits me in the future (If my husband is a Mr Mallard or John, I'd leave them immediately). Write lah - about a woman who is successful, independant and more importantly, not oppressed by men!!!
At least every story in my list is tonnes better than The Bucket Rider. Now that's what you call sheer nonsense. Theme: hardships of poverty? Isn't that like sooooooooo lame? What's the point? When you die nobody cares because you are poor? Okay, fine. Let's say I like the theme. I sure hate the plot. What riding the bucket? What clang what hoot? I don't think Kafka did a very good job in his first person narration either.
So Hills Like White Elephants wins. Hands down!!! My interpretation of the woman is - she is totally brave, the epitome of the modern women. Please applaud Mr Hemingway for ... modelling, at last, an independant woman who makes up her own decisions and well even thought she goes with the man in the end, its entirely her own decision. For love, ah love... is great!! I don't really think her decision was affected by her lover. Aborting her child for the sake of the man - she loves him that's why!! Chopin's heroine does not love the man!! And the man, well, the man he can go to hell.
The above post is entirely my own opinion. I will not welcome sticks, stones or words. Bllllllleeeeeeeeeeeehhhhh
Perfection Kills
Did I ever tell you about the last time I made a homepage? That was like waaaaaaaay back in 1998. Horrible business I tell you, sleepless weeks, skyscraping internet bills and the result was a total piece of junk. So happens that I forgot my password to geocities and even the free guestbook so I can't delete the junk, I can't even go in and change the design and all. So its stuck there and I can't do anything about it so you might as well pay a visit to where I used to live.
So here I am, 4 years later, trying to modify the stupid template (since I'm too lazy and too stupid to learn html and webpage designing to create my own one). Look what I've done to it!!! I've created a banner (wow that's a nice start) and dug up an old photo of me bbq plus changed some stuff around. I hope you like the banner though, I think its a modest accomplishment for my lack of talent. If you're wondering, I did the whole thing with Adobe Photoshop 6.0 (there! Don't I sound a bit like a pro to you?). All the photos are of me: my baby pix, then a picture of my cuggly-wuggly, a part of my bf's bouquet to me for my 20th birthday and a photo of me back in 1999.
But perfection kills. You know the sleepless nights? OOOOOoh deja vu, I've seen them before. Same thing only shorter weeks. Because, maybe because I'm not doing the thing from scrap, I've managed, just managed to finish it in like... 4 days of sleeping for 3 hours only. God help me when the internet bill comes. Maybe I should consider broadband since I'm online so often. Lemme just think about it. And then, I don't think I'll lie satisfied for long really. You'll probably notice some minor changes here and there if you come it once in a while. By the way, thanks for visiting lah. But please do not forgetthe guestbook alright? Say hello PLEASE....
Anyway I like pink with purplish tones. That's the reason this bummer doesn't want to get rid of the template entirely.
Did I ever tell you about the last time I made a homepage? That was like waaaaaaaay back in 1998. Horrible business I tell you, sleepless weeks, skyscraping internet bills and the result was a total piece of junk. So happens that I forgot my password to geocities and even the free guestbook so I can't delete the junk, I can't even go in and change the design and all. So its stuck there and I can't do anything about it so you might as well pay a visit to where I used to live.
So here I am, 4 years later, trying to modify the stupid template (since I'm too lazy and too stupid to learn html and webpage designing to create my own one). Look what I've done to it!!! I've created a banner (wow that's a nice start) and dug up an old photo of me bbq plus changed some stuff around. I hope you like the banner though, I think its a modest accomplishment for my lack of talent. If you're wondering, I did the whole thing with Adobe Photoshop 6.0 (there! Don't I sound a bit like a pro to you?). All the photos are of me: my baby pix, then a picture of my cuggly-wuggly, a part of my bf's bouquet to me for my 20th birthday and a photo of me back in 1999.
But perfection kills. You know the sleepless nights? OOOOOoh deja vu, I've seen them before. Same thing only shorter weeks. Because, maybe because I'm not doing the thing from scrap, I've managed, just managed to finish it in like... 4 days of sleeping for 3 hours only. God help me when the internet bill comes. Maybe I should consider broadband since I'm online so often. Lemme just think about it. And then, I don't think I'll lie satisfied for long really. You'll probably notice some minor changes here and there if you come it once in a while. By the way, thanks for visiting lah. But please do not forgetthe guestbook alright? Say hello PLEASE....
Anyway I like pink with purplish tones. That's the reason this bummer doesn't want to get rid of the template entirely.
Sunday, September 15
You should read today's Star. Some reporter did an interview with this 62 year old guy who has three wives. I think Dr. Q must be amused with what he said. For instance to this question
How did you end up with three wives?
I did not do it on purpose but as a Muslim, I am allowed to have more than one wife. The Quran says that if I cannot be fair, then it is better to marry only one. But I have to admit that there can be no complete justice when you have more than one wife. You can call it fate or weakness … if it happens, it happens. See, Dr Q: I told you the Quran allows it, at least Malaysian's version of the Quran says its a good thing...
Again, you can almost see his bloody masochistic ego dripping out from his mouth when you see how he answers this:
Are you fair to your three wives?
Fairness is my interpretation. There is no absolute fairness, as you would expect. I decide on the fairness that I exercise. I fix the day and night where I should be and I stick to it without fail. For example, on my return from outstation, I will return to the house where I should be on that day.
To some extent the timetable helps to keep the peace and you have to stick to it, rain or shine. But even sticking to this kind of arrangement, funny, funny things happen. For example, you can have two breakfasts, two lunches and two dinners in a day. You have breakfast (in the house where you slept) and on the way to the office you stop in another house and you have to have breakfast again!
You always have to try to remember your schedule so that there will not be a clash. If you buy something for one wife, you have to buy the same for the other wives. If you forget to duplicate, you can have problems so sometimes it is better to give money and let them buy what they like rather than having to remember to buy things for them.
Is there jealousy among the wives?
Not jealousy but rivalry. But a little bit of rivalry is good because each will try to please you more than the other. How egoistic can he get? Its almost like their misery feeds his bursting soul...A little animosity between them is also good. Otherwise you will have no freedom if all of them are good friends. For example, if you come home late, they can phone each other to find out whether you were in the other house or gallivanting somewhere else. If they don’t have a close relationship, they cannot check on you every time.
Are there advantages in marrying more than one?
There is no advantage at all. Nothing. It is just sheer stupidity (laughs). I wouldn’t recommend it to anybody. But to me as a Muslim, it is wrong to sleep with another woman who is not your wife. And when you are involved in an affair, the guilt is there. In order to feel a bit of relief, you decide to marry so that you do not commit adultery. To me, a man who has more than one wife is not a hypocrite. There are others who have only one wife but many mistresses.
Are you planning to have another one?
Nobody ever plans to have another one. Nobody really sits down and says I want to have another wife. But if it happens there is nothing that can stop it. Even your quarrels with the wives. The more they object, the more you want to go through it.
Urgh... I think I'm going to puke... no wonder the world labels Muslims as uncivilized barbarians. Now I really pity their God.
Just read it . Polygamy sucks shit.
How did you end up with three wives?
I did not do it on purpose but as a Muslim, I am allowed to have more than one wife. The Quran says that if I cannot be fair, then it is better to marry only one. But I have to admit that there can be no complete justice when you have more than one wife. You can call it fate or weakness … if it happens, it happens. See, Dr Q: I told you the Quran allows it, at least Malaysian's version of the Quran says its a good thing...
Again, you can almost see his bloody masochistic ego dripping out from his mouth when you see how he answers this:
Are you fair to your three wives?
Fairness is my interpretation. There is no absolute fairness, as you would expect. I decide on the fairness that I exercise. I fix the day and night where I should be and I stick to it without fail. For example, on my return from outstation, I will return to the house where I should be on that day.
To some extent the timetable helps to keep the peace and you have to stick to it, rain or shine. But even sticking to this kind of arrangement, funny, funny things happen. For example, you can have two breakfasts, two lunches and two dinners in a day. You have breakfast (in the house where you slept) and on the way to the office you stop in another house and you have to have breakfast again!
You always have to try to remember your schedule so that there will not be a clash. If you buy something for one wife, you have to buy the same for the other wives. If you forget to duplicate, you can have problems so sometimes it is better to give money and let them buy what they like rather than having to remember to buy things for them.
Is there jealousy among the wives?
Not jealousy but rivalry. But a little bit of rivalry is good because each will try to please you more than the other. How egoistic can he get? Its almost like their misery feeds his bursting soul...A little animosity between them is also good. Otherwise you will have no freedom if all of them are good friends. For example, if you come home late, they can phone each other to find out whether you were in the other house or gallivanting somewhere else. If they don’t have a close relationship, they cannot check on you every time.
Are there advantages in marrying more than one?
There is no advantage at all. Nothing. It is just sheer stupidity (laughs). I wouldn’t recommend it to anybody. But to me as a Muslim, it is wrong to sleep with another woman who is not your wife. And when you are involved in an affair, the guilt is there. In order to feel a bit of relief, you decide to marry so that you do not commit adultery. To me, a man who has more than one wife is not a hypocrite. There are others who have only one wife but many mistresses.
Are you planning to have another one?
Nobody ever plans to have another one. Nobody really sits down and says I want to have another wife. But if it happens there is nothing that can stop it. Even your quarrels with the wives. The more they object, the more you want to go through it.
Urgh... I think I'm going to puke... no wonder the world labels Muslims as uncivilized barbarians. Now I really pity their God.
Just read it . Polygamy sucks shit.
Good morning. I'm feeling a bit better today. After all, I've ranted enough, I think, let go off all the junk I have inside. I even started with the opening of my proposed novel. The thing I haven't done proper is probably my Oxford and Chevening applications. Oh yeah, then there's the studying to do for Tuesday's exam.
Who cares?
I'm still obsessed with this little guy here.
And his Asian counterpart
Cute dudes, these two. Don't you just love them like I do??
Who cares?
I'm still obsessed with this little guy here.
And his Asian counterpart
Cute dudes, these two. Don't you just love them like I do??
Saturday, September 14
Addiction - a simple word. Very, very, very intoxicating. Everybody has to be there sometime, someway.
My problems are a little more complicated. Like for instance I'm addicted to my relationship. I just have to see Mr Bear every single day, 24/7 if possible.
Sex. That's another addiction. You know the rush of adrenaline when you're involved in both watching it and doing it. Or seeing it through a mirror and catching glimpses of flesh on the good old TV screen. Too bad signs didn't have any sex scenes. Aih...
The Internet. How I was addicted to chats with people like Messiah and Woody. Even coaxed myself into believing I had fallen in love with them.
Now this... can't keep my fingers off the keyboard for the sake of this! Hah! I told you its a cycle. I can't ever get out of it.
My problems are a little more complicated. Like for instance I'm addicted to my relationship. I just have to see Mr Bear every single day, 24/7 if possible.
Sex. That's another addiction. You know the rush of adrenaline when you're involved in both watching it and doing it. Or seeing it through a mirror and catching glimpses of flesh on the good old TV screen. Too bad signs didn't have any sex scenes. Aih...
The Internet. How I was addicted to chats with people like Messiah and Woody. Even coaxed myself into believing I had fallen in love with them.
Now this... can't keep my fingers off the keyboard for the sake of this! Hah! I told you its a cycle. I can't ever get out of it.
I was just thinking about writing and what makes good writing? Is it the language, or is it the attitude the writer injects into his words. How to see the attitude? How to declare that a piece of work is superb finesse and all that? Getting a bit mind-boggling. I just read some blogs by other bloggers and , well, the m'sian bloggers really do write with superb finesse, if you can trust my definition of the term. And then there's the other phenomenon you can't really ignore, cos this people sound even more caucasian than those American / British dudes. Which reminds me of what Dr. Q said - be true, be natural, be honest to yourself. But are we being dishonest if we choose to Westernize our thoughts? Maybe its not merely Westernization per se ( yes, yes, I'm crapping again), after all we're sorta by-products of a globalizing era/ world, whatever that means.
I had to say this anyway, which I forgot a while ago. I bought the Complete Works of William Shakespeare at downtown Petaling Street today. Compete works, meaning all his plays and 160 sonnets. Too cheap to be true. RM 14.70 plus 20% discounts. For a book that's like, 3 inches think and packed with total crap. I mean, the bard was certainly, the stuff of 'superb finesse'. Beats me why self-declared literature addicts worship him they way they do. OK, I'm being a hypocrite. But hey, I'm no addict - I'm totally embarassed by my total lack of resources and knowledge about a discipline I am pursuing back on campus. But hell, I only took up English to escape studying.
I had to say this anyway, which I forgot a while ago. I bought the Complete Works of William Shakespeare at downtown Petaling Street today. Compete works, meaning all his plays and 160 sonnets. Too cheap to be true. RM 14.70 plus 20% discounts. For a book that's like, 3 inches think and packed with total crap. I mean, the bard was certainly, the stuff of 'superb finesse'. Beats me why self-declared literature addicts worship him they way they do. OK, I'm being a hypocrite. But hey, I'm no addict - I'm totally embarassed by my total lack of resources and knowledge about a discipline I am pursuing back on campus. But hell, I only took up English to escape studying.
Watched Signs today; cool movie. Although after watching three Night Shymalayan's movies, the novelty of seeing the director having a cameo, but significant role in all three movies has worn off. Especially in this one... I mean, how on earth does a Sub-Indian continent ethnic find his way into a typical, all white, traditional farming town in Pennsylvania? Doesn't make sense, although I still do enjoy the fact that all three movies involve superb acting from cute, cute kids. I love Bo - she's really, really cute. Super cute. Chubby and all that.
Tuesday's the day for Critical App and I'm like, clueless about what's going to really happen then. Dr N. Round Round, Yun Yun . Heck, she's a little off, as usual and I dread to see her papers. I typically committed suicide in my Professional Writing paper, thanks to that god knows blocked/unblocked format crap; and then for Language in Lit I'm also as good as dead since I totally bluffed my way throughout the whole 2 hours. Only Dr. Q's paper seems hopeful. Since he told me he liked my writing for the assignment of course. Thank God for this gift at crapping. It doesn't come to better use than this.
I'm thinking of writing a novel these days; have the plot ready even - first person narrative of a Straits born, 7th generation Chinese girl who ends up in a public university in M'sia by choice and her bittersweet struggles to achieve 'stardom' at varsity. A bit of love of course, maybe cross cultural- i'm still deciding. I just intend to dedicate a whole chunk of the story to the unfortunate partiality experienced by students at public universities... still working out a way to make it not so controversial. Just in case its good enough to be published. I don't want it to be so good that the government will not like the indications of such a story --- ok so yes, my story has a rather controversial theme - race politics. Don't you hate those things?
Tuesday's the day for Critical App and I'm like, clueless about what's going to really happen then. Dr N. Round Round, Yun Yun . Heck, she's a little off, as usual and I dread to see her papers. I typically committed suicide in my Professional Writing paper, thanks to that god knows blocked/unblocked format crap; and then for Language in Lit I'm also as good as dead since I totally bluffed my way throughout the whole 2 hours. Only Dr. Q's paper seems hopeful. Since he told me he liked my writing for the assignment of course. Thank God for this gift at crapping. It doesn't come to better use than this.
I'm thinking of writing a novel these days; have the plot ready even - first person narrative of a Straits born, 7th generation Chinese girl who ends up in a public university in M'sia by choice and her bittersweet struggles to achieve 'stardom' at varsity. A bit of love of course, maybe cross cultural- i'm still deciding. I just intend to dedicate a whole chunk of the story to the unfortunate partiality experienced by students at public universities... still working out a way to make it not so controversial. Just in case its good enough to be published. I don't want it to be so good that the government will not like the indications of such a story --- ok so yes, my story has a rather controversial theme - race politics. Don't you hate those things?
Friday, September 13
2nd post:
Can't thank RenBin enough for telling me about blogger... I absolute LURVE this site. Its super cool, and I love the design... ok.. at least so far. Anyway, Ren: if you're seeing this... thanks a zil... and hey... don't go and blast the trumpet ok... I still plan to keep some of the information QUITE personal... in case you see bits of sex and violence here and there, don't let your mind stray!!!
So there... my 2nd, precious posting is dedicated to you. Just to let you know you matter !
Can't thank RenBin enough for telling me about blogger... I absolute LURVE this site. Its super cool, and I love the design... ok.. at least so far. Anyway, Ren: if you're seeing this... thanks a zil... and hey... don't go and blast the trumpet ok... I still plan to keep some of the information QUITE personal... in case you see bits of sex and violence here and there, don't let your mind stray!!!
So there... my 2nd, precious posting is dedicated to you. Just to let you know you matter !
First posts should be pretty meaningful, right? OK, so I've dug out some old, old poetry and here they are. Don't laugh.
Dearest Mother:
Dearest Mother:
It’s just a little fever
Temperature that’s slightly higher.
It’s just some rainy water
The clothes already have shelter.
It’s just too little flour
I put into the waffle.
It’s just the neighbour’s mower
Not someone who’s a bother.
It’s just meaningful letters
I wrote onto the paper.
It’s just my dear old father
Who thinks his ideas matter.
It’s just my dear friend Chester
Who gave me that huge flower.
It’s just another lover
Who’s my personal chauffeur.
It’s just your little daughter
Who just might be the wiser.
Love,
Your daughter.
He smiles
He smiles
A brief twitch
Moves his lips
Just one curve
Brightens up
The darkness that sometimes
I wander in
Warms up
The wintry feeling that sometimes
I get wrapped in
Just one brief smile
Makes me want to smile too.
People like us
People like us
Know each other for several years
Quarrel, squabble
Turn our backs on each other
Sometimes we’re friendly
Other times we’re fiendly
Its funny
How things turn out to be
For people like us
Somehow through the years
Grow like all living things do
To respect, and to listen to
When the time came when
We find my hand in your hand
How funny the years
Can be for people like us
Dearest Mother:
Dearest Mother:
It’s just a little fever
Temperature that’s slightly higher.
It’s just some rainy water
The clothes already have shelter.
It’s just too little flour
I put into the waffle.
It’s just the neighbour’s mower
Not someone who’s a bother.
It’s just meaningful letters
I wrote onto the paper.
It’s just my dear old father
Who thinks his ideas matter.
It’s just my dear friend Chester
Who gave me that huge flower.
It’s just another lover
Who’s my personal chauffeur.
It’s just your little daughter
Who just might be the wiser.
Love,
Your daughter.
He smiles
He smiles
A brief twitch
Moves his lips
Just one curve
Brightens up
The darkness that sometimes
I wander in
Warms up
The wintry feeling that sometimes
I get wrapped in
Just one brief smile
Makes me want to smile too.
People like us
People like us
Know each other for several years
Quarrel, squabble
Turn our backs on each other
Sometimes we’re friendly
Other times we’re fiendly
Its funny
How things turn out to be
For people like us
Somehow through the years
Grow like all living things do
To respect, and to listen to
When the time came when
We find my hand in your hand
How funny the years
Can be for people like us
