You know you're such a crappy and useless piece of shit when you move into this phase. You know, when everything falls upon you and you suffocate from the pressure and the pain and you think that the easiest way out is the happiest way out. You know how undeserving and unworthy you are of your friends' (and strangers') genuine concern and care, because you can't kick sense into an otherwise premotivated self-awareness which was ... admirably 'matured' before. You sit down, dejected, depressed because suddenly that mask that you put on for the whole world to see, has cracked, broken into several pieces and you can't find the energy to build yourself another mask.
You admit you're a loser because in spite of the efforts that people take to tell you, "Things will be okay, will be okay. You just need time, that's all. You deserve happiness, that's why. Everything happens for a reason... yada yada... yada yada..." you can't move on. You just slacken in the moody entrails of horrible, disgusting and hateful memories, memories which used to masquerade in that joyful parade, on show for three whole years.
It all crashes around you and suddenly, that strong spirited you is gone, taken over by that low, dirt-low self esteem, so low that you can't find the strength to stand up again.
Its crap. I don't want this. I stood up but I keep falling down. I don't think. Never. Its just like this.
Leave me alone.
