THE EXPERIENCE
I remember the time we were a couple, that was eight months ago. How he used to promise me that I was the one. We were meant to be. That marriage was in the books. How we used to quarrel so much, but because he 'loved' me to pieces, he would do whatever it takes to move our relationship out of the rocks. Take things slowly and bring it forward from there. Because 'we were meant to be.'
A month later, he suddenly wanted to stretch away. Like a rubber band, he stretched far, far away, and I was reluctant to wait for him to bounce back. Actually, I was so confused, that the cold turkey syndrome washed across me. Uncontrollable, like a pitiful wreck, I begged for his return. I called him several times, telling things that I would never had told him in the entire three years that we were dating each other. I even threatened to take my own life! But the rubber band had snapped, and he was not going to bounce back.
I was fortunate to have friends holding on to me. These people called, from far and near, some even drove down every weekend from up in Penang and Perak just to make sure that I was okay and didn't do anything stupid. They called him names and said that he was evil. They told me not to love a man as bad as he was. 'He's not bad. I'm bad. I'm the evil one. That's why he left me.'
But when you convince yourself that 'he was meant to be the one', you lay like a dejected little kitten, wallowing in self pity and yet hopelessly grasping for that single glimpse of light that would tell you, 'Yes, yes, you are right! He is the one... look there, this sign, that sign, these signs, they all show you that he's going to come back!'
In such angst and agony, I was, that I turned to prayer. But that wasn't enough. I needed to know. I turned to divinition, because several little happenings in my life felt like little 'signs' of hope. I asked questions and the answers came back: "He will never come back. You will be friends again, but no more than that."
Three months down the road, I eventually learned to pick up myself. Whilst my love life was a horrendous failure (at that time I thought this was the case), the other aspects of my life began to look up. My friends, whom I've neglected in most of the time when I was totally dedicated to him, they had returned, and together, we worked to build up our neglected friendship ... We have since improved to the extent that now, I wondered what was it in him that made me put my friends aside like that. My studies and career proceeded to improve and I felt happiness and jubilation in the minor successes that I have achieved. At the time that he chose to leave me, I was in the midst of my final year exams and thesis, and the trauma made me want to quit. But thanks to friends and family who forced me to move on, I managed to graduate anyway... and you all know where I am now...
I learned to be happy, because I met new friends. I learned to accept life as it was, and learned to view the world in different perspectives. I noticed that the world was capable of happiness without him, and most importantly, I realised that he made me sad, and whether I love him or not, it was fruitless. Why would I want to be with a man who made me sad and made me think of suicide? That made me realised there was nothing in him for me love anymore, and I had to stop doing so.
But sometimes, I remember the little divine reading that I made for myself based on the readings and calculation. I know the part where we will never be together again is true, but the part where 'you will be friends' has yet to show itself. Accordingly I was supposed to call him sometime ago last month and we would have a quarrel again, but that part never did occur.
The question is, if I have a reading now, that tells me to be wary in making a decision that will most probably affect a good part of my life in the future.... well, if this certain reading foretells bleakness and .... bitter ending.... should I heed the warning?
Sometimes, non-believers would say 'that's all bull'... but you know, when things happen almost exactly as they were forecasted to happen, how can you say that its actually crap?
