A Temporary Reflection
It isn't always that I have a Minishorts moment these days. These days the hours zoom past, right before my eyes... I mean there's time of course, I can even feel it, at times I sit in front of my iMac and watch the Matrix wallpaper I have plastered on my screen and feel the seconds ticking away as I count down to 4.30 pm (its the fasting month). And then I reach home I wish I had more time to do the things I want to, such as sitting down and writing something that really makes sense.
When you're keeping track of systems and contents so often, like I do, you just lose touch of your inner self. Like how I lose touch of the Minishorts spirit.
I've morphed into a workplace junkie, and I'm both relieved and mortified of this new 'development' of things.
You see it in the posts don't you? I don't sound me anymore, I don't blog everyday anymore, and the one thing that is captivating is the bursting self-revealing voyeuristic imprint of my wet hair looming in the background. Oh yeah, that controversial splash page as well.
And then I had that moment today, as I drove down the angsana tree lined roads that led me home, my CD player playing an old, unlabelled CD, on it a song that my ex had dedicated to me a long time ago when he told me he loved me.
A Minishorts moment is when that sudden burst of emotions overwhelms yours truly, and then that uneasy feeling that you're losing control takes over... then you'll feel your eyes water and soon, a single droplet rolling down your left cheek. And then another down the right. And then in anger you'll reach for a tissue from your Mashi Maro covered tissue box and curse yourself in anger.
Don't you just hate Chinese songs? Especially those by Michael Wong (that other half of the Malaysian Victor and Michael duo). They're so darn depressing.
You know why I slipped? I'll tell you why. Well, a long time ago (actually, come to think of it, three years isn't a long time), when my ex first told me about it and sang it to me on my karaoke machine, I cried because I was so touched that he loved me so much and everything was reflected in the lyrics. And then we split and I listened to the song over and over again in my attempts to remind myself of how much he really loved me and he wasn't really leaving me. And then I had to listen to it again today and those two drops were shed for the sake of ... memories? Laments of my insane dreams? Oh I know, they were for the sake of my stupidity, and for the loss and the gain that I've gathered from all these.
The best thing about this Minishorts' moment is the revelation that with that burst of emotional energy, I think I can write again and do my little thing with the keyboard.
