Isn't It Strange?
That when you're friends, he's the greatest person alive, how much you can trust in him and give him all your knowledge and share every single thing with him? That when you're apart for short spasms of 'time', you can miss him so much and think that oh never mind cos he's going to be back for you?
And now that you're apart for real, broken up because of irreconcilable differences, you keep going on and on about what an asshole that shitful of crap is because he's a shitful of crap because of the way he's decided to handle what could have been or could not have been.
I thought its strange. I met Minishorts the other day and I asked her how she felt about things.
'Does it matter?'
Minishorts told me that in April maybe it did but now its December well, maybe because last Christmas they were still by the piano playing
Santa Claus Is Coming to Town and
O Holy Night. But Minishorts says she misses Santa Claus more than she misses him because, 'Heck do you know I actually spent RM 79.90 to buy that cutie for myself and I passed it to him so that he would keep it for me and it was because I thought I would see Santa Claus again... and you know what? I'm broke shit and I still want that Russ Santa toy, I want it bad because I really bought it for myself except he doesn't have the tact to return something that he knows I love more than he does.'
I thought Minishorts wasn't answering the question so I asked it again. 'Does it matter?'
I thought Minishorts was annoyed. She snapped at me, 'Of course it matters. The money matters, dearie!! Its a bloody 80 ringgit toy and looks really cute and its prolly the only Christmas cuddly I ever bought. Besides, which stupid idiot male doctor student likes cuddly toys anyway? I'm pissed that you even ask. What a cheapskate. I mean him. Not you. Okay, I am a cheapskate and I want my pressie this year okay? And I want that Santa cuddly... but its now a limited edition thingy I think... Last year I walked several stores just to get it .... and now its with HIM and he doesn't return it to me. Okay okay, so
someone said he's never seen somebody wail as much as I did over a guy. Anyway I thought she was sooooo right...now if you ask me I don't know what I cried about. Maybe I was so shocked that I could have been left out cold by someone like him that I could not take it? Or more of the things that I knew he would never return to me but the fact that he could still have the cheek to call me up to ask for things from me. That things could be put down in a calculator and listed down in some bloody fucking list. "I want my stuff back this this this." And then when I wrote him 3-4 bloody fucking mails to ask for my important stuff back like my Halliday and Resnick Physics books and some CDs and my Santa Cuddly toy he ignores me outright. That must be it. '
Okay. So now I know. Now I know what the heck happened.
The other day again, I saw Minishorts and I asked her. 'See I read your blog all the time. Hey you don't get freaked meh? I think there must be people out there who read your blog and speculate lots of things.'
'Oh yeah? I try to pretend that I don't care, quite long ago. Of course I care. I have no idea who reads my blog. I mean, maybe he reads my blog and he glowers at the amount of posts I post about him. Maybe the next him reads my blog also and all the posts about the ex puts off the next him. I trust that current hims read my blog and that's also the main reason I put them off. Of course I care. It scares the shit out of me. Heck, this blog is probably causing the failures in my life. I suspect maybe some of my family members read this blog as well... there must be all sorts of dust flying around out there about me. But they've got to realize this is of my own free will and well, practise some sort of self-control and self-initiated intelligence. And when you meet me, you read my blog and know stuff about me please do me a favour and pretend you don't know okay? And so I brainwash myself to remind myself that I don't care at all. I'm not doing so well you know. And I suspect its because of this stupid thing I've
cleverly called minishorts.net. Oh well. What to do. I've put myself in enough shit already and might as well get in it deeper. '
I found out a lot of things about you Minishorts. I thought you ought to know.
'Yeah? I found out lots of things about you too, today.'
Good for her. Good for her. You you you if you know her and you read my blog and sometimes you think I'm writing about you you, well you watch your thoughts because you're not her and you don't really know the bulls I shit and the crap she pisses. You're not her anyway. How'd you know? Plus you don't have a right.
That's the point of it, you see. That's just the point.
