Aren't You Happy?
I must be on a slightly extra sensitive mood today. Maybe its because of the lack of sleep.
Last night, I accidentally deleted 200 MB worth of photos, ones that I took over the CNY holidays and some that were taken during the month of December. All that remains are the resized 'saved-for-web' copies that are in the
gallery. Following which I felt a pain in my chest that started to burn a little.
But still, because I was anticipating happiness, the agony of losing 200 MB worth of memories didn't hit me that badly. I thought that's all too fine because good things were coming to be...
But the shock of it is I'm supposed to be exuberant but ultimately I'm not. I thought I would be extremely happy and joyful I'm not. I'm just slightly pinched, somewhere near the heart, a little bit sore and a little bit slighted. Add that on to the earlier mishap, what was really a very miniscule prick around the ribcage suddenly trickled a little.
Never mind, it dried up later. So it doesn't matter now.
There's got to be a cage around my heart I guess, it having been sliced across over and over again in the past. At one point in my life I thought that the wounds in my heart would never heal, and recently they did seem to have disappeared.
I guess scars don't go away, they haunt you once in a while, and the experience of what has been sort of makes you build protective barriers about yourself.
You probably don't know what I'm talking about—but I really felt slighted. I think I'm going to sit in a corner by myself and think about what has happened for a bit. But this time I'm not going to talk it out. In the past I've learnt that talking things out don't always work. However, I'm blogging this because I don't want to keep it in my heart forever, because I believe in a little bit of voyeuring, because a little bit of spillage will make me look at things in another light and see how small the matter really is, and that I ought to be happy.
Because that's what everyone deserves to be. Happy.
