I'm Being Honest Honestly. You know it. When I say it breaks my heart to talk like that. But sometimes, I don't know what happens, I just can't control my feelings. Or all that bottled up pain and hurt... that usually, whenever sometime 'tiny' happens, I think, 'look, its a miniscule detail, it doesn't matter.'

Of course that fear of being hurt again always haunts me at the back of the mind...

But then I always thought that my tear ducts could be sealed shut, at will. Yucks. I'm such a wimp. I need to be in control, as my mother always tells me.

Just that, I don't want to feel like I'm some sort of jinx or bad luck charm. And whenever you say the things you said, you keep me up the whole night, wondering if I'm really good for you. When you look happy, I'm happy, because I feel that I'm good for you, but if things like this happen, it makes me sad, because suddenly, I think...

'What am I doing here?'

Because I don't want to be a jinx to anyone. That's all.

No, no. It's not what you think.  ¶ 23:23