Rant
I ought not be doing this.
But anyway. I just wanted to tell
her that yes I meant every word said but at the same time I'm remorseful. Yes I treasure my existence and definitely your existence tremendously, except that I don't appreciate the way things are being handled in your manner. I don't understand the hierarchy of systems, nor the manner of the way that you lose your temper and lash it out on me. Perhaps it is my fault for for arousing that anger, but at the same time, I do not appreciate the finger pointing at me all the time, or the two slaps that I receive when I say something that is rude, ungrateful but ultimately, true. The point is, we're all human, and we have feelings. You would have known by now that I'm probably one of the most volatile and volcanic eruptable mount of emotions currently living in Malaysia. That said, and done, I'm terribly sorry for the manner that I spoke my mind. But I'm not sorry for what I said because of my belief in my beliefs and myself. At the end of the day, an education is meant to make me open my eyes and be more rounded when I view things, and when suddenly I'm forced to pretend that the corners don't exist or that jagged lines are in fact, straight, my patience runs thin and I do have my outbursts. At the end of it, just because you think that staying in on a sofa and watching TV is relaxation and does wonders to cool wrinkles, I believe that going out for that weekly dose of
limau panas keeps me feeling vibrant and exuberant. Now take it, believe it that we are TWO DIFFERENT INDIVIDUALS and we can both co-exist in harmony.
I miss you, but I wish you didn't land us in this mess.
A little long while ago somebody (who probably is going to read this post, now if you do and we chat on msn or something please pretend that you didn't see this) wrote me two fantastic poems. I was flattered, see it's not every day that you get an admirer,
lagi not every day that you get one that writes you poems. I don't know what is it with men when it comes to me. Just because I'm involved in writing and publishing and languages does not mean that you need to be able to write fantastically to make me fall in love. But well, the poem was extremely sweet... except you know how is it? When you merely like a person, when you're just terribly fond of a guy but
not in
that manner, that poem doesn't warm you up. You feel a squeeze in your chest, and then your jugular starts to throb, before you know the skin on your arms feels prickly all over... but not really in a feel good manner. Sometimes I just go 'eeerrrrr'... and feel really awkward for a day or two.
See I'm human, and I don't look at a poem from an admirer that I don't really like and just throw it aside. I do feel prickly for a day or two, and then I remember these bits and pieces.
But when I received your poem just a while ago... it was really nice. Warm and crunchy, you know? Like how you like to go 'Mmmmmm...' everytime I say something nice.
Regardless, and regardless... its worth it. I look up into the ceiling and see my mirrored image on the glass above me and I go 'Mmmmm...' and then I remember, despite the obstructions, I'm willing to take the plunge, because you're worth it.
