Of English. And Chinese. And Being Upper Class.
Disclaimer: This is a very personal rant, and many of the opinions here are really very personal and emotionally written. Most of them may not be politically correct, and I didn't bother to check the authenticity of the claims. And its a very long post.
At 2 am I have a sudden realization of why the Brits think they're so much better than the rest of the world. They have English, the language that's THE Lingua Franca, THE language of economics and money, and of course the Pound Sterling is very very huge in value... and they have ... you know what? Hordes of followers who supposedly are anti-English and yet sing such high praises of 'ENGLISH 'O Ye ENGLISH you are the most beautiful language in the world', to the Extent that other languages are just, merely Second class.
I'm not slamming shit from the soles of my boots onto a Language which I work every day with.
It's just amazing, I think, how a single race like the Chinese seems to be divided into two, the ones who come from an 'English educated background' and the ones who went to 'Chinese school'. I'm talking about Malaysia, mind you. Of course. Oh well.
I had a very 'enlightening' argument with a friend who doesn't read nor speak Chinese, and I'm still very enlightened. It started innocent enough, this little chat, talking about changing our tones when we speak in different circles, and my friend said that he changed to a lower level when he spoke to his friends from the Chinese schools.
I was atrociously astounded. You know?
Terasa. Eh, Minishorts is from a Chinese school, yah? So does this mean when you talk to me you 'Talk down', so to speak?
We went on and on and on... until I believe I lost my train of thought, especially as my friend was nitpicking on the pernickety details and he just floated on and on and on just to win the little 'argument' so to speak... (oh well, you know how guys are, they're SUCH winners)...
Usually I let such things go...
But when you touch something that's very close to my heart... something which I have been caught in between for almost 20 years of my life on earth, and you start talking and forcing me to accept your opinions as is... I get VERY agitated.
It took me a whole lot of effort not to just stand up and walk away.
I could go on about how I was stuck in Primary school not knowing a single word in Chinese, not knowing how to write my own name also, and trying to run away from school. I could begin with the years when I was with my Chinese school friends, and they had these term for kids like me who spoke better English than most people, 'Speaking', they would say. In Chinese, hushed tones, they would say I was a show off... just because I spoke better than them.
In high school, those speaking English ... we were huddled together at the back of class, singing songs from classic musicals, and knowing that people thought we were show offs.
Trust me, the term, 'show off' never ever occured to us in the group. Until of course, the year we branched away from just the school circle, the years that we met people from the 'Elitist' schools.
That's when I learnt the phrase, 'Ah Beng and Ah Lian.'
You know what's it like to be a 'stuck-between'? We become chameleons. We move around so easy, that putting on and taking off masks become second nature. And it's not easy to 'fit in' when you're a stuck-between. With the English educated people, you call ppl Ah Lian and start laughing about it. You endure jibes when people start saying that Subang Jaya is more high-class than Puchong Jaya (and then start thinking that hey, I stay in Jalan Klang Lama, now isn't that such a low-class area?), and then you agree, 'Yeah, I talk down to people from the local universities. After all, UPM isn't nearly as good as UM, and Oxford is of course the BEST place in the world.'
With the Chinese school kids, we mix with the English educated people's 'Ah Lians' and bang your heads to Jay Chou's rap renditions and scream crazy over Ah Lian channels like TVB and dream of meeting those singers. We actually LIKE Twins and S.H.E. because they're cute, but you can't speak English too naturally. You'd be a show off. You can't even like clothes from Esprit sometimes, they're such expensive stuff. Oh oh, I forgot about the richer Chinese educated, (or English educated, I forgot). Buying branded clothes became a must. The bigger the label, the better.
I was caught up in it once. So caught up that once my Dad went overseas and I asked him to get me a Guess T-shirt (when we were kids, Guess was pretty BIG okay?), and I told him,'Make sure the logo is huge.' But Once. Once only. That's it.
I'm grown up.
I've just had enough of being a stuck-between I guess. If you ask me. To hell with English/Chinese educated kids. I think Chinese who don't know Chinese ought to try to learn Chinese, or please, at least be proud of your heritage. And the Chinese educated Chinese who don't speak good English, stop labelling people who speak proper English as show offs.
It's quite sickening how that what's supposed to be a unifying language can disunify a people.
I really feel like walking away everytime you talk about local uni/overseas uni, semi-gov/full-gov/private school, Chinese/English educated ... you know the list goes on. I think you already know I'm the perfect example of a cross-breed, I've got a bit of everything in me. I feel attacked both ways, and it's not nice to be attacked. And today, I really, really felt like walking away.
I'm just disappointed that many people are still very green. Oh dear.
